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When we argue it always ends with me being apologetic and sad and with her acting aggressive and angry. Our conflicts tend to follow the same pattern: I repress my feelings and deflect my emotions until I finally tell lkoking how her behavior makes me feel, then she snaps, puts distance between Wives want nsa Heathcote, and follows up with a volley of hurtful texts, emails, or simply silence.

As someone with severe anxiety, the silence especially feels like an abyss. Is this normal?

Any advice? Cheryl Strayed: The most important sentence in your letter is this: Love is almost always present, even in the most abusive relationships. But it must not be the gauge by which you measure the merits of this or any relationship.

You know what should be? You suggested she see a therapist and she declined.

Let the answer to that question be your guiding light. Steve Almond: I feel unimportant and excruciatingly lonely.

You already know what you need to do about this relationship. What really matters here — the work you have to do — resides in finding a new way to experience romantic love.

But you do deserve one willing to be in that struggle with you.

You ask us if your dynamic with your partner is normal. You say you and your girlfriend have agreed to work through your differences together, but you describe a woman who is unwilling or unable to have a simple conversation about them.

See the truth in your own words, Lookiing Lover, not ours.

You can wish her well while opting to distance yourself. Obviously, you get to decide whether to end this relationship. That could happen.

Thus your conflicts reawaken that trauma, without even meaning to. But you have to recognize that her struggles to treat you with kindness and respect were ordained by her past, not created by your present. The best you can do is to be xerious with her, and with yourself, about your need to find a romantic love that nurtures you, that empowers you, that makes you feel important and excruciatingly seen.

But Angone Love Her! Lonely Lover Cheryl Strayed: A version of this article appears in print onon Page D2 of the New York edition with the headline: